I’m Unsure of Things Right Now

 Hey you guys! It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. I’ve just been trying to figure myself out lately, specifically what I want to do after graduating from college. I literally have one year left and I’m kind of lost about my future plans. One thing that I have always struggled with is to just focus on the present, and for a while I did, but when I started thinking about how close I am to graduating college and becoming an adult, I freaked out a little. So, in this post, I kind of just want to release some of those thoughts and emotions of mine.

The Thought of Moving

 There have been many ideas that I’ve been thinking about after graduating college, specifically, moving away. My plans while in college was to stay in Tampa (St. Pete actually) and work at an art museum as an art educator because I major in Humanities and Cultural Studies. Learning about art is something that I adore and find as a great hobby to have, but I don’t think that it’s something that I’d want to pursue seriously. Another idea that I had in mind was to move to South Korea for six months and teach English. The idea was great because they’d pay for my housing and all, and I get to explore a country that I’ve been interested in for years, but, I kind of feel at times that it’s a big move for me at the moment. As you can see, my thoughts were to just finding my own independence after graduation. Unfortunately, in this economy, that can’t really happen right now unless I find a roommate while in school to live with after graduating, which is my hope. I feel that coming back home would be tough in achieving the life goals that I want, for myself. The thing that I have always noticed about my family when I express these big moves is that they still view me as the baby of the group. Sometimes I feel like my transition into adulthood hasn’t fully registered with them yet and that honestly hurts because it just seems that they don't fully see my vision or align with my career direction.

Family Support

I wanted to discuss this idea with my mother, someone who I aim to always talk to when I want to express myself and my big ideas. However, that can be tough. I’ve been very emotional for a while, and lately, our conversations have been including phrases like, ‘welcome to adulting’ or ‘welcome to the real world.’ That’s a phrase that’s always hard to hear. I’ve realized that I can’t always share my big dreams with the ones that I love because even when people love me and want to protect me, their reality checks can feel incredibly deflating when I'm already feeling unsure about the future. I know how difficult being an adult will be. I’m cutting it very close to that point of my life and it hasn’t left my mind since starting college. A child does see how much a parent loves them and wants them to achieve great in life, but it can be tough when they can’t see how serious you’re actually taking your soon-to-be adult life right now. When I get asked about my career from my family, I can tell that most of my ideas isn’t something that my parent would want for me, believing my time and degree would be wasted on that. Trying to have your family understand how hard it is to get a job nowadays is truly a challenge. A parent getting their child to understand how hard life is, especially living on your own and having a career that’s hard to get by, is amazing parenting, truly, but the way it can be communicated, can come off pretty harsh and demotivating to ever taking that first step into what we want to do. You can love someone so much, but to share every part of your life or ideas with isn’t always possible. 

Coming to My Own Conclusions 

1. After doing some research of my own about how much an art educator makes (when at the time I wanted to purse it), I did realize that making a living on my own would be difficult, especially living in an area whose studio apartment is about $2,000 a month 😭. It’s not fun to come to that realization and even the possibility of moving back home.

2. Yes, there are plenty of jobs that look at the degree to get into that field of work, but that doesn’t mean, that I’ll always get accepted and that’s something difficult for some people to understand. I’ve been in situations where it’s always like, ‘we’ve found another candidate,’ or they don’t call back about my application, no matter how many times I ask about it. It’s a lot more difficult making it in today’s economy as a young adult compared to young adults in the past. Inflation has become a pain in our butts, and applying to 20 jobs everyday, doesn’t always guarantee that I’ll reach past that financial struggle.

3. I definitely know that the real life isn’t all perfect as the movies display it as, but that doesn’t mean my life goals are like that. In all honesty, I’m fine with the normal lifestyle. My ideas were never to make millions, have a big house, the nicest car, and accessories, which our family aims for each other (I adore that). However, I just want to live my life like normal. I know life will be hard, but I truly believe that it’ll all be okay. There’s a lot that’s on my mind right now on what I want to do post graduation, so I have been keeping my thoughts to myself (something that I have been trying to do for a long time), but it can be hard sometimes because you want to be able to spill all of your thoughts and worries to the one’s that you feel that you can go to about it the most, but those conversations can disconnect within seconds. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes you have to show your success in order for people to see your visions come to life.

I think a few of those ideas, like living in Korea for six months is off of my list for sure after graduation, and it’s not because of my family but I just have so many things in life that I want to do being here in the States that I think going to Korea right after graduating is a little too much for me personally. Like I mentioned before, coming back home is something that not many college students want after graduating because we want to seek our own independence afterwards, but the way things are going right now in society, staying home is the best choice. So, my parent and I have discussed that idea. I don’t know what this last year of college will throw at me, but I still do have hope.

I’m honestly not sure on much with my degree at the moment. I’ve just been thinking so much about my life that my head is spinning, but one thing that I have come to understand is that I don’t have to rush finding a career that I want to pursue for the rest of my life right now. I just want to graduate and find myself in my 20s. It seems that I had a lot to say in this post 😅 but this is something that I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a while. Plus, I’m tired of stalling on my posts as well. I’ll post to you guys next time. Bye! 💕